Love Vs Infatuation|11 Characteristics Of True Love In A Relationship

A few months into our marriage, my wife Damalie teased me to prove my love for her.

I told her, “You’ll never know how much I love her until one of us leaves Earth.”

Did I answer well? How would you prove love for someone?

I think love can’t be proved with words but with continuous loving actions for life. The only way to prove my love for Damalie is to love and be faithful to her till death do us part.

Philosophers, pastors, peasants and many others have tried to define love but it seems love is hard to put into words. Love is like the wind, you can’t see it or define it, but you can see its effects. The actions of love are the best definition of love.

Original and genuine stuff is always in demand and usually attracts counterfeits. God made love to be beautiful, satisfying and lasting but sin muddies and dries love in the hearts of people. That’s why it very difficult to truly love without believing the true gospel and receiving the love of Christ in our hearts. (Romans 5:5)

Why is love so hard to find nowadays?

Because true love is scarce, many have become lovers of self, lovers of money and lovers of pleasure. Apostle Paul saw it coming and gave us a serious warning of what’s happening in these last days in 2 Timothy 3:1-9.

The Sacrifices Of Love

King Solomon marveled at the beauty and path of love. He observed that just as we can’t fully trace the ‘glide of an eagle through the sky, the path of a snake on a rock or a ship on the ocean,’ no one can trace or explain how a man loves one woman among many. (Proverbs 30:19)

Clearly, love is something we can’t afford to take for granted. Solomon wrote;

“Place me like a seal over your heart,

like a seal on your arm.

For love is as strong as death,

its jealousy as enduring as the grave.

Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame.”

(Song of Solomon 8:6)

In another passage, he says,

‘Many waters cannot quench love,

nor can rivers drown it.

If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth,

his offer would be utterly scorned.’

(Song of Solomon 8:7)

That’s the power of love.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done in the name of ‘love’?

As a teenager, I used all my savings to buy presents for the girl I had a crush on, I waited ten years for love that never came. One time I joined a dance group, though I was a terrible dancer, to be close to the girl I liked. If it had come to take a bullet for this girl, I’d have gladly accepted. Who had bewitched me?

In the name of love, lovers have left family and friends, stopped studies or left jobs. Others have killed for love or killed themselves. Isn’t it a marvel that a person you were not born with can become more special than the parents and friends you’ve grown up with?

An extraordinary story of love is that of Jacob and Rachel. Jacob worked for seven years to marry Rachel but her father gave him Leah, her elder sister, first. He had to work an extra seven years after marrying both of them. He waited and worked 14 years for love. (Genesis 29) Would you have done that?

What many singles don’t realize is that love is overwhelming and can become complicated if they’re not mature spiritually and emotionally. They need to know 10 things about themselves and 15 ways to value people.

Then they can awaken love.

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right…”

(Song of Solomon 8:4)

I believe every single person needs counsel and prayer to navigate the stormy waters of love. We need God’s guidance and the wise counsel of older godly people when deciding on who to love and entrust our lives with.

In the name of love, many lives have become distracted and destroyed. The consequences of engaging in sexual sins wound millions of young people before marriage in the name of love. Young couples enter marriage before they are ready or marry the wrong people in the name of love. There’re many heartbroken, depressed and lonely people out there who trace their troubles to the broken promises of love!

Is love really responsible for all these? Isn’t love meant to be beautiful and beneficial? Might it be that these people experienced counterfeit love and thought it was true love?

Let’s look at these definitions of love and infatuation according to Merriam-Webster;

Infatuation – a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something: strong and unreasoning attachment.

Love – affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.

Before we go further, allow me to remind you that love is no man’s idea. Love is God’s idea. In fact, God is love. We only understand and experience love after receiving the love of the one who loves us the most. He alone can truly teach us to love.

Here is a biblical description of love according to Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 says.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Now let’s discuss the above biblical characteristics of love alongside those of infatuation or worldly love. Please note that most of us are still growing in loving the way God wants us to love. Therefore, this makes the 11 characteristics of true love a template of what love is and should be in our lives.

When it’s LOVE:

#1: Your relationship grows with time as you get to know each other – like, dislikes, personality, spirituality, family, etc

When it’s infatuation: The attachment or feelings erupt at first sight and the focus is on the benefits a person gets from the relationship like pleasure, cash and popularity, among others.

#2: You become a better person and mind the interests and well-being of the one you love.

When it’s infatuation: You develop destructive and selfish habits to get the person and what you want from them.

#3: You’re aware of the strengths and weaknesses of the other person and are ready to accept and live with them. Or admit you can’t handle them and walk away.

When it’s infatuation: You ignore the weaknesses and imagine the person is perfect or will change because you don’t really want to know them deeply and face the truth.

#4: You tell and encourage the truth from each other. You’re yourselves around each other. No pretence.

When it’s infatuation: You lie and pretend to be what you’re not to maintain the relationship.

#5: You protect each other from physical intimacy before marriage because love is patient and exercises self-control. True love waits. Love that comes from God seeks to please God first above anyone else.

When it’s infatuation: You’re driven by sexual lust, and you’re in a hurry to start physical intimacy. Lust doesn’t wait. The lust that comes from Satan seeks to rebel against God to please oneself. Usually, once the lust is satisfied, the person disappears and only returns when they’re horny.

You need to disarm the 19 popular lies singles believe about sex to maintain sexual purity.

#6: You forgive each other and work through conflicts with gentleness, respect and grace. Love keeps no record of wrongs and refrains from bringing up past mistakes.

When it’s infatuation: Doesn’t forgive easily. You remind each other of past wrongs to hurt, manipulate and control each other. You keep a record of wrongs for months and years.

#7: You stand with each other in good and bad times.

When it’s infatuation: Easily gives up during tough times.

#8: Your search is over and you’re committed to the one you love until death. Doesn’t hesitate to marry officially as soon as possible.

When it’s infatuation: You don’t commit because you expect someone better. You’re ready to leave anytime. Keeps postponing holy matrimony before family, friends and church.

#9: You’re ready to let the person go if they so wish because love does not force. You wish them happiness even without you in their future.

When it’s infatuation: You’re possessive and obsessed with them. You’re concerned about your happiness, not theirs and will sin or compromise your values to keep them.

#10: Your friendship grows stronger and sweeter with time and you picture a long future with the one you love.

When it’s infatuation: Your friendship becomes weaker and more complicated with time and you see no future together.

#11: You both love and sacrifice for each other to make the relationship work. Love becomes complete when it’s given and received.

When it’s infatuation: One person loves and sacrifices more than the other, and lacks the courage to walk away. It’s not love until it’s reciprocated.

The Classic Example Of Infatuation

The sad story of Amnon and Tamar shows the power, deceitfulness and foolishness of infatuation.

“Now David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half-brother, fell desperately in love with her. Amnon became obsessed with Tamar and he became ill. She was a virgin and Amnon thought he could not have her.” (2 Samuel 13:1-2)

Then Amnon’s crafty friend advised him to pretend to be sick and ask his father to send Tamar to his house and care for him.

The plan worked.

Tamar went to his house and prepared his favourite meal. When the meal was ready, Amnon chased everyone out of the house and told Tamar to take the food to his bed.

As she was feeding him, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me my darling sister.”

“No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:12-14)

Here is what happened next.

“Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her.

“Get out of here!” he snarled at her.

Was that love? Did Amnon love Tamar?

Because of this, Tamar never married and lived as a desolate woman in Absalom’s house. And later, Absalom killed Amnon to avenge his sister’s rape and disgrace.

Amnon was a fool in infatuation though he thought it was in love.

Next time you’re in love, give it time. Pray about it.

And ask God for wisdom to discern whether it’s love or infatuation.

If you have any questions about love relationships that you’d like us to answer, please ask them in the comments below.

Thank you for reading this article. I welcome your comments and questions – as iron sharpens iron, let’s sharpen each other.

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