19 Most Popular LIES SINGLES BELIEVE ABOUT SEX|How To Disarm Them

Satan is smart, deceptive and merciless.

Do you have what it takes to outsmart Satan as a Christian? Imagine trying to win a game with the designer of the game itself! What chances of winning have you got?

The good news is that Satan’s lies are predictable. He tempted and defeated Eve through trickery. He said to her, “Did God really say?” She didn’t have enough truth to defend herself.

Thousands of years later, Satan tempted Jesus, too. The only difference this time was Jesus knew how to respond to Satan’s lies.

He said, “It is written…”

The devil may be the father of lies but Christ is the Truth and His Words are true.

We should never underestimate the power of lies. I liken lies to the little poison in the rat’s food. A little lie has the potential to destroy a life! Lies deceive, imprison and kill. Many people have walked to their graves because they believed lies.

Sadly, Satan uses scriptures to deceive. When tempting Jesus, he quoted the Bible. Ever wondered why good people do evil things in God’s name? That’s how – through deception.

The other good news is that it takes one divine truth to detect and defeat a thousand lies. The truth of Christ sets free, opens the eyes of the blind and opens ears to wisdom. Our only hope of defeating Satan is hiding the Word in our hearts. (Psalms 119:11)

As we get into the lies and truth about sex, remember God created Adam and Eve so they can enjoy sex and fill the earth. This was good in God’s sight but Satan has deceived the nations with his lies, especially in this area of sexuality.

Lies Regarding Thoughts

Lie #1: If I Have All The Sex I Want While Single, I’ll Be Faithful In Marriage

Solomon married many wives but in his old age, he concluded it’s better to enjoy the wife, not wives, of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18) Taming your sex drives comes down to self-control and self-discipline; both qualities take time to develop as we become more like Christ.

Truth: If you fail to exercise self-control when you’re single, you won’t exercise it in marriage

Whatever you are now is what you’ll carry into marriage. And marriage is not a cure for lust or lack of self-control. Sexual temptations last a lifetime. It’s wiser to start disciplining yourself now!

Lie #2: If I Don’t Have Sex Before Marriage, I Won’t Know What To Do On Honeymoon (Lack Of Experience)

As mentioned earlier, I fell for this one when I foolishly allowed a girl friend to tutor me in kissing and the lesson almost led to big trouble. Sadly, even our friendship collapsed after I apologized and ended the lessons. This is another example of how a person can be self-deceived.

Truth: Having Sex Is Natural & You’ll Learn It In Marriage

Sexual experiences before marriage complicate sexual intimacy with your future spouse. You don’t want a situation where you have to compare your spouse with your ex-partners. It took my wife and me some days after our wedding to know what to do, but we weren’t in a hurry. We had a lifetime to learn and be together!

Lie #3: Thinking About Sex Makes Me Dirty & Evil

Depending on what you hear, see and touch, sexual thoughts will come into your mind. That’s normal. Your response to the thoughts is what matters. One time, a beautiful girl in a shop served me and was tempted to ask for her number. I responded to the thought in my mind, saying, “I am a married man. I’m not an adulterer. That’s not who I am.”

I have had such conversations with myself many times! Refuse sinful thoughts to linger in your mind. Neutralize them with truth as soon as you detect them.

Truth: Desiring Sex & Attraction To The Opposite Sex Is Normal

What makes it wrong is to satisfy the desire before time and in destructive ways. Write down the truths you’ll use when sexual thoughts knock at your door.

Lie #4: It Will Not Happen To Me

Some singles feel strong enough to resist sexual temptations and think they’re smart enough to avoid or escape the consequences of engaging in sexual sins before marriage.

Samson was chosen, anointed and strong but lost everything because of one Philistine lady. (Judges 16) What guarantee do you have that one of the consequences of sexual sin won’t destroy your life?

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” (Proverbs 27:12)

Truth: You’re In Most Danger When You Think You Can’t Fall

People have lost their money, health, friendships, reputation and a lot more because of sexual sins. We can act as we please but we can’t choose or control the consequences of our actions. “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” (Galatians 6:7)

Lies Regarding The body

Lie #5: My Body Is Evil & Ugly

Some singles blame their bodies for getting them into sexual sin. Others look in the mirror and don’t like what they see. They wish they looked like someone else. So they indulge their bodies in sex, alcohol, drugs, tattoos and other harmful habits because they don’t know how precious their bodies are. Others opt for plastic surgeries to correct or adjust how God made them. Sad!

Truth: God Cares About Our Bodies

He formed us in our mother’s womb. Our bodies are so precious that God purchased them through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross!

“You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

As Christians, God’s Spirit dwells in our bodies. And one day, He’ll raise us from the grave and transform our present bodies into glorious ones that will never get sick, sin or die anymore. (Philippians 3:21)

That said, the physical body is not evil or bad, otherwise, God won’t make it His temple. What’s evil in us is the sinful nature commonly referred to as the ‘flesh’ in the Bible because that nature drives us into sin and this grieves and quenches the Holy Spirit in us. (Ephesians 4:30, Isaiah 63:10)

It was during my marriage while studying sexual purity that I fully repented from touching and kissing while single. I took it lightly but realized how sinful it was when I recently read, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” (1 Corinthians 7:1 NKJV[1])

I’ve spoken to several single Christians who think it’s okay to touch, kiss and even have oral sex as long as they avoid intercourse. That’s sad. They’re yet to understand every part of their body is God’s property because the Holy Spirit lives in them. And any physical intimacy ignites lust and leads them deeper into sexual sins.

They also don’t realize one day they’ll regret sleeping with the people they have sex with because they weren’t worth it. They’ll say things like, “What was I thinking?” or “I wish I knew.” That’s what happens when adults grow up and wish they had waited for the right time and right person to have sex.

Only give your body to the one you marry. All others will simply corrupt and dishonour your body. God is so pleased when we honour Him with our bodies.

Lie #6: We Won’t Get Pregnant Or Contract Diseases

Singles who believe this lie are shocked when they get pregnant or contract Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) even when they’ve had sex once. Single parenthood is not easy and no parent would wish it for their children. Also, the painful STDs have rendered young people impotent and killed others.

Truth: A Couple Can Get Pregnant Or Contract An STD Any Time They Have Sex Without Condoms or contraceptives

Even worse, certain STDs can be transmitted through kissing and touching. And sometimes contraceptives fail to work and a girl gets pregnant. As long as a girl experiences menstruation or periods, she can become pregnant any time she has sex. Be aware!

The waterproof and lasting protection against pregnancy and STDs is abstinence while single and faithfulness in marriage.

Lie #7: We Won’t Go Too Far

I’ve fallen for this one. In the name of learning, I kissed and touched a girl inappropriately. Had I not come to my sense and apologized to her for misbehaving, we’d have gone all the way.

Ignorance is dangerous but it’s no defence. And the curiosity that killed the cat still kills people who take risks with the one life God has given them. Some of us who failed in this standard while single are lucky because many perish in their ignorance!

Truth: Sexual Desire Is Powerful And Keeps Growing With Every Sexual Act

You’ll go further than you thought or planned when you start stimulating and engaging yourself in sexual acts. Better not to start!

Lie #8: I Was Born In The Wrong Body

The reproductive organs of a person determine their sex. You’d think this is common sense, but it’s not!

That’s why it takes a lot of effort and money to change one’s gender. They have to take hormones and remove sexual organs to become what God never intended in the first place! That’s madness.

Truth: God Made Man & Woman

He didn’t make a mistake. He made men and women for a reason. Accept and appreciate who you are and use your body as God intended and as He knit you in your mother’s womb.

Lie #9: Porn & Masturbation Are Not A Big Deal. I Am Hurting Nobody

Pornography is one of the most searched, read and watched topics on the internet. I remember a classmate in high school who was addicted to porn. He told me when he saw a woman, he would undress her and imagine her naked in his mind.

Porn and masturbation can isolate the person involved in it and kill their confidence, destroy their spiritual life and disorganize their mind. Both can lead to Erectile Dysfunction when a man fails to get or maintain an erection during sex!

Masturbation can also affect the normal growth of the penis if a boy starts masturbation early! Overtime, excessive masturbation damages the nerves in the penis, leading to premature ejaculation.

Truth: Porn And Masturbation Affect The Mind, Body And Relationships

Porn addicts realize they’re in big trouble when they’re no longer in charge. If you know someone who is into porn and masturbation, tell them to seek help immediately.

Lies Regarding The Spiritual Life

Lie #10: God Loves Me, I Love Him & Therefore He Understands My Sin

A single vibrant minister to campus students kept his struggle with porn and masturbation a secret. He knew it was wrong but felt it was not a big deal. After all, he was making a great impact among students and felt a strong move of God during his preaching on many occasions.

Even more, there was no risk of making someone’s daughter pregnant or contracting diseases. Was God proud of Him? Does this minister really love God?

The question I ask myself is this. “Do I love God more than the pleasure of sin, more than public opinion, more than my wife and more than anything or anyone else in this world?” To say I know and love God and yet live contrary to His Word is a big fat lie.

God’s love for us is a sure deal. He loved us before we were even born and demonstrated it when Christ died on the cross. The issue is, shall we reciprocate His immense love for us?

Jesus says, “ “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (John 14:15)

Be sure of this; God will never understand sin because He is holy and just. Here is what Apostle Paul wrote;

‘Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.” (Galatians 6:7-8)

No matter what sacrifices we make for God and His kingdom, they can never replace obedience to Him! No matter what we claim about our love for God, we’ll harvest death unless we repent and obey.

God will never understand or entertain sin. That’s why He gave us the solution or antidote to sin through Christ. What awaits those who cling to their sin is judgment and hellfire! They’ll not inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

Truth: God Hates Sin & Will Judge Sinners Who Refuse To Repent.

Sin is our greatest enemy and the source of all mankind’s problems. Cut off sin and anything or anyone who causes you to sin before you lose your soul. (Matthew 18:8-9,16:26)

Lie #11: Sexual Sins Are Sins Like All Others

People lie, steal and covet but these sins don’t bring bonding with another person as sex does. Sexual sin does something terrible to our bodies, minds, character and soul. That’s why God warns saying;

“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)

And the Bible clearly says God is especially hard on those who are sexually immoral. (2 Peter 2:10) “God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” (1 Corinthians 3:17)

Truth: Sexual Sins Are More Devastating Than Other Sins

They harm your mind, emotions, soul and body. God has the final say and as our Creator, He says, “Flee sexual immorality.” He knows best why. Trust Him.

Lie #12: It’s Not Sin If We Don’t Have Intercourse

We often take sin from the physical angle but it begins in the heart and mind. If anything – a look, a touch, a kiss, a word – stimulates you to lust, it has become sinful.

When I realized this lie, I repented of my lust, flirtations, kissing and touching. I sinned against God because my mind was full of lust. (Jeremiah 31:19)

Other young people think it’s okay to masturbate, have oral sex or watch porn and assume they’re better off than those who have actual intercourse. Anything that stimulates you sexually and causes you to lust in your heart is a sin before a holy God. Sadly, it leads you down the wrong path until you’re caught, hooked and ruined.

Truth: Lust Begins As A Little Spark And Grows Into A Big Fire

It’s better not to start a fire than try to quench it. Inappropriate touching, oral sex, cybersex and masturbation ignite fires.

“Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire?” (Proverbs 6:27) Satisfying sexual desire outside marriage is playing with fire. Like Job, we should make a covenant with our eyes not to look at someone with lust (Job 31:1) and like David refuse to look at anything vile, vulgar, wicked or worthless. (Psalm 101:3)

Lie #13: Bible Principles On Sexual Purity Are Outdated In The 21^st Century

Sin has always been a deal-breaker with God since the days of Adam and Eve. Even before Moses received the Ten Commandments, God judged the nations of Sodom and Gomorrah because of their sexual immorality including homosexuality! Won’t God judge the sexually immoral in our generation?

Another lie that has destroyed Christian singles is leaving their parents’ homes early. Young men and women start to rent and begin bringing boys and girls into their rooms or begin watching stuff they’d not watch in their parents’ presence. Until we got married, my wife Damalie was still living with her mum. Think about it. Why be in a hurry to leave home?

Truth: All Scripture Is Inspired By God For Our Good

God does not change! (Psalms 102:27, Hebrews 13:8) His standards have not changed! The Bible says that a man will leave his father and mother when it’s time to cleave to his wife. (Genesis 2:24).

Remember this, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.” (2 Timothy 3:16)

The first plan or strategy of overcoming sexual sins and remaining sexually pure is to fight the lies using the truth. Read the article Fight The Lies About Sex Fast|1 Truth Expels 1,000 Lies

Lie #14: God Doesn’t Want Me To Have Fun

Sometimes it feels like God is strict and selfish. Eve felt God was keeping something nice from her by refusing them to eat the forbidden fruit! Jesus would have easily turned stone into bread but chose to refuse the counsel of Satan.

Can a loving Father refuse us the good He created for us to enjoy? Not at all.

Take, for instance, girls who accept outings, gifts and money from boys who may be or not be their boyfriends. Such ‘sweet’ gestures from men desensitize them and make them feel obligated to give sex in exchange. Satan lures many into hell because they desire nice things and the good life.

Truth: God Expects Us To Enjoy Life Within The Right Boundaries

He is not saying “no” to you. He is simply saying “wait until the right time with the right person.”

Please, never accept gifts from anyone of the opposite sex especially if they’re interested in you for a relationship. Trust God to provide for you rather than depend on someone else. After all, your body and soul are more precious than anything a person can give you.

Lie #15: Marriage Will Fix All My Lust & Sexual Sins

I know married men who are into porn, masturbation and committing adultery. The marriage did not fix them. When little frustrations start in their marriage, they return to the old ways of satisfying themselves.

Truth: The Best Time To Deal With Lust Or Any Other Sin Is Now

Sexual lusts and sins are better dealt with when you’re still single than when a spouse is involved. They’re between you and God and not with your future spouse!

Why would you expect someone you’ve just met to deal with your sexual and emotional issues that started many years before you met? What you fail to learn or deal with while single, you’ll be forced to learn in marriage, with a dose of regret, sorrow and frustration.

Lie #16: I’m Too Messed Up To Start Afresh

King David committed adultery with Bathsheba and killed her husband. He suffered the consequences of his choice even after he repented and God forgave Him.

Another lie is believing once you’ve tasted sex it’s impossible to abstain again. Perhaps in your strength, it’s hard but God’s strength and grace are available for those who repent and choose to honour Him with their bodies.

Truth: God Is Ready To Forgive, Heal & Restore If You Ask Him

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” (1 John 1:9) It doesn’t matter who introduced you to sinful sexual behaviours, what counts is who you choose to become from now on.

How you end is more important than how you started. (Ecclesiastes 7:8) In case you have messed up, take God’s second chance and allow Him to transform your mess into a message that will bless the masses.

If you’ve fallen into sexual sin and struggle with guilt and shame, please read this article Do This Immediately After Falling Into Sexual Sin|Don’t Run Or Hide

Regarding Your Relationship With People

Lie #17: Having Sex Is Proof Of Our Love For Each Other

Amnon fell in ‘love’ with his step-sister Tamar, and connived with his cousin Jonadab to get her in his bedroom and rape her.

This is what happened after, “Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13)

Was that love?

Clearly, Amnon never loved Tamar in the first place. Instead, infatuation and obsession filled his heart because of her beauty and all he wanted was to satisfy his twisted sexual desires. To know more about the difference between love and infatuation, grab a copy of Love Smart Courtship at passonleadershipafrica.org.

Ask anyone who is sexually active whether they ever get satisfied. They don’t. They keep longing and pursuing other sexual experiences even when they want to stop.

Truth: Lust Ends In Hatred & Hurt!

Sexual intimacy is a gift for married couples because it strengthens their love, but it destroys a relationship outside marriage. If you love each other, marry rather than burn with lust! (1 Corinthians 7:9)

If you’re not ready for marriage, flee sexual temptations before you lose what you want to keep – peace of mind, purity, joy, and intimacy with God. Remember how Esau gave away his birthright because he didn’t treasure it and later lost his blessing? (Genesis 25:27-34)

Lie #18: Everyone Is Having Sex Except Me

I felt that many times in high school and at campus! I lived in a hostel where boys brought girls to their rooms and saw single men bring different girls to their rooms in compounds that my parents rented!

You too will feel like the odd one out but saints usually fly alone like the eagle. They rather have no friends than follow wicked friends who lead them into sin. (Psalms 1)

Truth: God Has Remnants In Every Wicked Generation

God has sex smart remnants who avoid sexual immorality and choose sexual purity in every wicked generation. Joseph was a remnant in Egypt. Daniel and his friends in Babylon were remnants.

I’m certain many more singles have chosen abstinence. Some of us lusted and tasted sexual sin but once forgiven we can start a brand new page of walking in purity. You can too! (Romans 11:4-5)

To understand more about the importance of surrounding yourself with the right friends, read the article Embrace Godly Friends To Keep Sexually Pure|4 Friends To Cutt Off

Lie #19: We Can Start Getting Sexually Intimate Or Living Together Because We’re Sure Of Marrying Each Other Soon

Several young women who believe this lie end up as single mothers and young men end up paying upkeep for children they don’t live with!

Some claim cohabiting helps them know whether they’re suitable for marrying each other and others cohabit for economic reasons but those are lame excuses for a child of God. That’s an indication of not fearing and loving God!

For a Christian, cohabiting is living in fornication. Why would a girl cook and wash clothes for a man who has not respected her enough to meet her parents? That’s not a serious man!

Truth: Living Together & Having Sex Is Reserved For Marriage Only

That’s not my truth or suggestion but the command of God who made us and to whom we shall stand one day. True love protects the one you love and you ought to start your marriage on a strong foundation.

When the aboved lies are accepted, tolerated and believed, they lead someone to commit one or more of the 18 Common Sins of Sex.

As a Christian single, you deserve a marriage that has the blessing of your parents, pastors and the witness of other family members and friends. Such marriage builds trust, proves commitment to each other and breeds stability for life together!

Thank you for reading this article. I welcome your comments and questions – as iron sharpens iron, let’s sharpen each other.

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[1] the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.