Do This 2nd Before You Start A Love Relationship | 15 Ways To Value People

We see others as we see ourselves. The previous article covered the 1st thing to do before your start a love relationship|10 things you must know about yourself.

My wife, Damalie, and I were friends for several years before we became a couple. When the thought of proposing to her ambushed my mind, I couldn’t believe it.

Fortunately, I had made no funny moves on her or treated her in any bad way during our friendship.

One day, she reminded me of how the new year messages I used to send all my friends touched her. That was one of my endeavours to value and appreciate others.

Many times, when someone is hurting, they project their hurt on others who are innocent. For instance, some hurting women are convinced all men are cheats and liars. But is that true? In the same way, people can hate certain tribes and races because of what they experienced. Such stereotypes are not wise.

The starting point of valuing people is understanding God’s love and the gospel of Jesus Christ. People matter to God deeply.

When man fell in Genesis, He didn’t give up on humakind. He planned to deliver man from the fall and restore His relationship with mankind. That’s why He sent Christ to seek and save the lost through His death on the cross.

Because God loves and values people, we must do the same as Christians. Jesus’ words summarize this,

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is important: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ Matthew 22:37-39.

When we love God, He transforms us into the likeness of Jesus. The way we view ourselves changes and, in the process, our view of others. As we become secure in God’s love for us, we learn to love others as God loves them and as we love ourselves.

Loving others is not to say that we’re blind to their weaknesses and wickedness. People are capable of good and bad. That’s why I don’t put my full trust in a person no matter how good they are or give up on any person no matter how bad they are. The only person I trust with complete abandon is Jesus Christ!

Some people became disappointed when they expect good from other people and don’t get it. Others have given their hearts to the wrong people who hurt them. Some give up on people altogether, yet we need people in our lives. As they say, no man is an island.

How do you love and care about people at the risk of them hurting, gossiping, lying and breaking your heart? There is no easy way out of it. Love is risky by nature. God loves the entire world but most people reject Him. Yet He continues to pursue them because He desires that none of them should perish. (2 Peter 3:9)

What consoles me in my interaction with people is that anyone who wrongs me doesn’t know any better. If they knew who they are and who I am in Christ, they’d treat me better. If they can harm me by thinking they’re helping themselves, they’re deceived. I see them as Jesus saw those who crucified Him. He prayed for them, saying, “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

Give yourself to people as much as you can but don’t do it expecting much in return. Don’t help someone because they will help you, help because you’re a kind person. Don’t love expecting to be loved back. Love because you’re a loving person. Period.

15 People Principles Of Valuing Others    

#1: When people hurt you, forgive them

If you don’t forgive, God will not forgive you. (Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 6:14-15)

#2: Serve people whenever you can

Not because they deserve it, have asked for your service or because they’ll repay, but because you are a loving person and for the sake of Christ. If you can meet a need of someone, meet it. Help someone because it may be the only chance you’ll ever get. You’re a servant, that’s your identity as a Christian. (Hebrews 6:10, Matthew 23:11)

#3: Be polite in your interactions with others

Say thank you, please, I am sorry, how can I help and please forgive me.

#4: Honour and obey your elders, especially your parents and listen to their advice

God has put them in your life for your good. I know a couple that postponed their wedding for over a year while waiting to get consent from their parents. (

“¹Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. ² “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: ³ If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3)

#5: Say hello and smile to strangers you meet often

Greet the security person, the cleaner, the elderly person in your neighbourhood, the children, etc. You genuinely care about others.

#6: Ask and memorize people’s names

You probably know the embarrassing feeling of being forgotten. Remember, a person’s name is the most beautiful and important sound they love to hear.

#7: Listen intently when others speak to you.

Show interest in what they have to say and ask questions about themselves. People love to talk about their lives. Listen, learn and speak less.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James 1:19

#8: Make time for people, family, friends and sometimes strangers.

Remember the currency of love is time. Those we love we must make time for. It is easy to be caught up in the business and busyness of life.

#9: Encourage others and give them hope in their hard times.

One day you’ll need this skill in marriage. “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

#10: Be yourself

Don’t pretend to be who you are not. If someone doesn’t like you as you are, it’s their loss, not yours. Never comprise your Christian values to belong to any group.

#11: Be patient with others in their weaknesses

Some habits take longer to change in you and others. When others repeat the same mistakes, be patient with them. Give many second chances because God has given many too.

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. ² Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.” Romans 15:1-2 NIV

#12: Set boundaries

Respect the boundaries of others and request yours to be respected. Also, just because you have forgiven someone or given them a second chance doesn’t mean you give them another opportunity to repeat the same mistake or hurt you again. For example, if a sibling takes something from your room without permission, next time you may have to lock the bedroom.

#13: Keep time

When you make appointments, show up on time. Others may not keep time, but because you value them and their time, and because you keep your word, be there on time.

“Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?
Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?

…keep their promises even when it hurts.” Psalms 15:1&4

#14: Give back good for evil

When people insult you, never insult them back because you are wise. When they wrong you, do good to them. This way you’re loving your enemies and challenging them to realize they’re wrong and you become a channel or conduit of God’s love, grace and mercy to them. (Proverbs 12:16, Proverbs 25:21-22)

“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9

#15: Never compare or compete with others

You’re a unique person, on a personal journey and you don’t have to be or have what someone else has. Be grateful and content with what you have and make the most of it.

This scripture challenged me when I first read it in high school and it still does today,

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:3&4

It’s not the big issues that sink relationships but the overlooked little holes that let in water little by little. Learning to put the interests of others first is a key virtue you’ll need in your marriage.

If you have any questions about love relationships that you’d like us to answer, please ask them in the comments below.

Thank you for reading this article. I welcome your comments and questions – as iron sharpens iron, let’s sharpen each other.

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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.