Must God Speak About The Person To Marry?| 6 Guidelines To Consider

After experiencing the pain of a second rejection, I told God my days of pursuing girls were over. I was going to wait until after two years or more. I assumed they had rejected me because I didn’t have lots of money or come from a rich family. It was time to focus on my career and start a relationship after two years.

Months later, while chatting with Damalie on WhatsApp, she said, “I have a beautiful cousin in Rwanda you can marry!”

“Sure? Well, I don’t look for beauty in a wife-to-be,” I replied.

She asked me what qualities I looked for in a wife. “Beauty is number four,” I said. She asked what the first three qualities were.

“Number three is a simple lady (who isn’t given to luxury and extravagance, too much make-up). Number two, she loves people and number one, fears and loves God.”

That night I was shocked to realize Damalie had the exact qualities I prayed for in a wife. The question that kept coming into my mind was, “What do you have against her?” I wrestled with that question for some days until I gave in because I had nothing against her.

The next step was to ask the Lord for guidance, approval or warning. I take heed of King Solomon’s word to trust the Lord and ask Him for counsel so He can direct my path in everything. I told God I like Damalie and before I tell her anything, was He okay with it?

Not long after, I had a dream of our pastor’s wife telling me, “Damalie is a gem, do not let her go.” Amazingly, during that time, about four different people, including two pastors at my church, pointed her out to me as a suitable lady to marry.

The witness in my heart, the confirmation of others and the dream in the night gave me the confidence to take the next step. I accelerated our friendship through more chats and after a few weeks, I told her my intentions and gave her time to think about it.

About a week later, she said yes, and we started courtship. That’s our story.

The good news is God doesn’t have to replicate it in anyone’s life. I’ve heard many other testimonies of different ways couples met and God will never run out of ways to accomplish His purposes.

Here are a few guidelines, some of which we’ve already discussed, about God’s role in helping us to choose the right person to marry;

#1: God cares about the person you marry more than you do

That’s because marriage is for a purpose and when God’s plan involves a suitable spouse, He’ll get involved if you let Him.

#2: God gives you a choice

He has given you the right to choose the person you’ll marry and gives you the basic guideline that the person must be a genuine believer and disciple of Jesus Christ.

#3: God promises to order your steps not to dictate them

He will guide and even speak or warn you in a way that you can understand but the final decision is yours. (Psalm 32:8-10, 37:23-24)

#4: Never marry someone solely based on a prophecy or recommendation of someone

Marriage is personal and you’ll be the one to live with your spouse. It would be sad to experience challenges in future and say, “It’s my pastor or parent who chose my spouse for me.” You’re responsible for your choice.

Do your homework and decide based on what the Bible says and God’s guidance.

#5: God will give you the spouse you need, not the one you want

He knows what you don’t know and therefore you must be ready to let go of what you desire to have what He has in store for you. Please don’t be wise in your eyes but trust God’s wisdom.

Many times, Christians choose spouses based on appearance, money, titles, tribe, background and other ungodly standards only to be disappointed later. Like you heavenly Father, look at the heart, not the outward appearance. (1 Samuel 16:7)

#6: We know and understand in part

I was convinced that each of the two girls I met before my wife was the one God wanted me to marry but that wasn’t to be. They were simply a bridge to my wife and salt to preserve me till marriage.

When relationships don’t go as you want or as you perceived from God, don’t fret. Keep looking to God and trust Him to make what concerns your marriage beautiful at His right time! (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

God hasn’t made it complicated to know His will. That’s why He gave us the Bible and the Holy Spirit who inspired it.

Unfortunately, many Christians disregard God’s instructions in the smaller areas of their lives and expect Him to guide them in the bigger issues of life. But that’s not wise. The desire of a Christian should be to please God in every area of their lives.

If you’re not certain of what God is saying, stop and wait. Marriage is not something to rush into. Don’t allow anyone to rush you or push you to decide. If the person is yours, they won’t run a way because you’re waiting for confirmation.

God revealed great mysteries to Daniel of what was to come about empires and end times. How much easier is it for Him to help you discern the right person to marry if your greatest desire is to please Him in your choice?

“He reveals deep and mysterious things

and knows what lies hidden in darkness,

though he is surrounded by light.”

(Daniel 2:22)

In the end, the ultimate and final confirmation that a person is God’s will for you is the day you walk down the aisle, make vows to each other and start your life together as one!

If you have any questions about love relationships that you’d like us to answer, please ask them in the comments below.

Thank you for reading this article. I welcome your comments and questions – as iron sharpens iron, let’s sharpen each other.

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