Who Should I Not Consider For Courtship?|5 People To Avoid

God cares about who we marry and where they come from. When Abraham wanted a wife for Isaac, he warned his servant not to get a wife from the surrounding people. Why?

Because marriage is the merging of two families with different cultures and beliefs.

For this reason, God warned the Israelites not to marry foreign women. (Exodus 34:16) Sadly, some didn’t listen. Two prominent men in the Bible paid a high price for going against this instruction; Samson and Solomon.

God chose Samson from birth and instructed his parents on how to raise him. As Nazarite, Samson was not allowed to marry a non-Israelite. But he befriended and fornicated with a Philistine woman called Delilah.

Unknown to Samson, she had made a deal with her people to find out the secret of his power. She pestered Samson to reveal the secret and immediately after telling her; she put him to sleep on her lap and got his hair chopped off. His power left him. His enemies caught him, removed his eyes and threw him in prison, where he spent his day grinding grains. And Delilah got her payment. (Judges 16)

Many years later, the wisest person and king who ever lived fell into a similar ditch.

Solomon married many foreign women who turned his heart from the Lord in his old age. He built shrines for them to worship their gods and he worshipped them himself. (1 Kings 11:1-13)

We should never think we can outsmart or mock God. Every time we go against His Word and do as we please, we harvest distraction, destruction and death.

Whichever angle you look at it, God discourages any union and partnership with a non-believer. Christian singles increase their chances of meeting the right person in an environment of Christians who value abstinence and godliness.

Here are five groups of people you should not consider for marriage.

Five Categories of People Not To Start Courtship With

#1: Nonbelievers

Now that you’re a child of God, don’t waste your time courting a person who is not genuinely born again. You may meet a wonderful person who behaves and treats you well but don’t be deceived for a moment to think you can start a family with them.

You’re spiritually incompatible.

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?” (1 Corinthians 6:14-15)

Ask around and prove this; Christians who marry non-Christians experience many complications in their relationship with their spouse, raising children and relating with in-laws.

#2: Married Person

Nowadays, it’s common to see women who don’t mind being second wives. The days are upon us when seven women will be satisfied to take on the name of one man. (Isaiah 4:1)

Dear lady, keep away from married men and dear gentleman, keep away from married women. Any lust, flattering or sexual relationship with a married person makes you an adulterer.

“But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. He will be wounded and disgraced. His shame will never be erased.  For the woman’s jealous husband will be furious, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. He will accept no compensation, nor be satisfied with a payoff of any size.” (Proverbs 6:32-35)

#3: Divorcee

If a person left their marriage or divorced their spouse who is still living except for adultery, don’t marry them. You can marry a widow or widower but marrying a divorced person makes you an adulterer.

“But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32)

If their spouse left the person and you establish that it’s what happened, they’re allowed to remarry. (1 Corinthians 7:12-13)

God values marriage vows and marriage is a binding covenant for life. Breaking this covenant has grave consequences. That’s why God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) Even in the Old Testament, the priests who served before the Lord were forbidden from marrying a divorced woman. (Leviticus 21:7)

Christians who are not guided well in this matter entangle themselves in painful marriages

#4: Keep Away From These Four Christians

Just because someone calls themselves a Christian doesn’t give them a pass to be your spouse. For starters, some people pretend to be Christians. Others think they’re Christians but they don’t know what to be and live like a Christian means.

Jesus said we shall know people by their fruit. How does your fiancée measure up to the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control? (Galatians 5:22) Or do they exhibit the fruit of the flesh? (Galatians 5:19-21)

If someone claims to be a Christian but they talk and act like nonbelievers, stay away from them. They’re more dangerous than nonbelievers because they know the truth but they go against it. Such will get more lashes according to Jesus. (Luke 12:47-48) Apostle Paul says, “don’t even eat with them.” (1 Corinthians 5:9-11)

Be very careful with the following Christians. Think twice before you say yes to them;

– The Idle and lazy Christian. Doesn’t like to work or take care of his/her parents, siblings or relatives. Remember the saying, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” (2 Thessalonians 3:6)

– The Sexually Immoral Christian. As Christians, we don’t keep living in sin, rather, we repent and turn from our sins. (1 John 3:9) Such Christians who live in sin and refuse to repent will corrupt you too. (1 Corinthians 5:11)

– The Divisive Christian. This is a person who causes divisions in the church because of his gossip, accusations, sinful lifestyle and doesn’t like to be corrected. (Titus 3:10&11)

– The Lying Christian. People speak what fills their hearts. Listen to the person you like while they speak. Are their words clean, holy and pleasing to God? Do they lie or keep their promises? Do they slander or gossip about others? If they can lie to others, they’ll lie to you. Without trust, a relationship is doomed before it starts.

– The False Teacher. This is someone who chases deep revelations and prophecies and who sways from sound doctrine. (Revelations 2:24) They’re always learning but show no willingness to live right. Their error is poisonous and you do well to avoid them. (1 Timothy 6:3-5)

#5: Parent Out Of Wedlock

People make mistakes before they become Christians or after becoming Christians. When they repent, God forgives them and they begin to live sexually pure lives.

However, if you don’t see any fruit of repentance in their lives or they don’t recognize how they sinned against God by getting a child before marriage, that’s not a good sign. If they don’t admit their sin, what stops them from committing it again?

You also need to evaluate your willingness to love and raise their children from other relationships. After all, they become your children, too. And when the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is involved, that’s another consideration before you enter such a relationship. Sometimes couples overlook these issues only to become frustrated in marriage yet they had an opportunity to talk about them.

It’s impossible to figure out everything about anyone. People change. Circumstances change. But the all-knowing and unchanging God is on your side as you consider who to marry.

Ask Him for wisdom and guidance. He will let you know if you desire to do what pleases Him.

If you have any questions about love relationships that you’d like us to answer, please ask them in the comments below.

Thank you for reading this article. I welcome your comments and questions – as iron sharpens iron, let’s sharpen each other.

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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.