What Next When Cheating Happens|Should You Stay Or Leave The Marriage?

I don’t wish the pain of adultery on anyone in this life but sometimes it happens. Anyone can be caught on the side of cheating or on the side of being cheated on.

But our response can change our lives for the bitter or the better. That’s why we need to stick to God’s instructions as we navigate the best way to handle cheating.

The Bible says,

“Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” Hebrews 13:4

If You’re Cheating…

The first step is to acknowledge that what you’re doing is a terrible betrayal to God and your spouse.

Please stop right away.

Repent before God because He is the one you’ve sinned against first. He is willing and ready to forgive you.

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” 1 John 1:9

Total deliverance from sexual sins is a tough journey but it only starts when someone admits they’re sinful and sick.

Read more about what to do immediately you fall into sexual sin in this article Do This Immediately After FALLING INTO SEXUAL SIN|Don’t Run Or Hide

The next step is to get help from a professional Christian counsellor or spiritual leader on how to come clean with your spouse.

(If you are a Christian in this predicament and you have no one to confide in, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.)

If You Catch Your Spouse Cheating…

Get undeniable evidence first.

The three rules of cheats when they’re caught are deny, deny and don’t forget to deny.

I have a friend who hired a private investigator to track the spouse because the relationship was falling apart.

Once it’s beyond doubt that your spouse has been cheating behind your back, it just might be time out.

That means trust is broken. The marriage bed is defiled. And the relationship is in the Intensive Care Unit.

Get away first and fast to think, heal and find a way forward.

Someone may say, what if they don’t allow me back? That’s great. More reason to go away. It goes back to knowing your value and not condoning the sin of adultery.

The worst that can happen is to pretend that you’re not hurting or you’ve forgiven them yet inside you’re bleeding to death.

It’s better to give yourself a chance to heal and reconcile later if that’s what you choose.

Staying and covering up cheating will cause much more pain to you and harm the relationship eventually because the person may do it again or the person who has been cheated on may not recover from it.

It’s also okay to forgive them and walk away from the relationship. Forgiveness is not negotiable because God commands you to forgive them or else He won’t forgive you too. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Yes, God hates divorce, and He allows it when a spouse walks away from the relationship or when they commit adultery. In both cases, they’ve broken the marriage covenant.

Jesus clearly said,

“…a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32

One mark of true love is letting the one you love go if they so wish. Love is a choice and it doesn’t force its way.

Sometimes, there is nothing you can do to make the one you love stop cheating. And if that’s what they choose, it’s wise to let them go.

In fact, that’s how much God loves us. He did everything to save us but we have to accept His love and choose to commit our lives to Him.

And if someone cheats on you, never let them blame you for their sin. No matter what you did to them, they have no right or excuse to use it against you. They chose to cheat and should own up.

One way to know someone is truly remorseful is their willingness to bring into light why they cheated, with whom, for how long and any other details about their cheating encounters.

Otherwise, someone who is covering up, lying and beating around the bush is not sorry and will cheat again given an opportunity.

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

Mistakes may have been made on both sides, so it’s helpful to seek counselling to deal with the past and forge a way forward. Some couples have overcome cheating and continued on their marriage journey. It’s possible with God’s help.

Many times, we’ve cheated on God and He has taken us back, we can extend the same grace and mercy to someone who is truly repentant for what they did.

This marks the end of our series on cheating.

I’d be happy to know your story. In the comments below, share any advice you might have for someone who is cheating or who has been cheated on.

Thank you for reading this article. I welcome your comments and questions below – as iron sharpens iron, let’s sharpen each other.

“Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” (John 13:17, James 4:17)

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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. (https://www.biblegateway.com)

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